The Scary Truth About Cheating Spouses
By Marshall Duke
Infidelity. What a scary word. When one thinks of a
cheating spouse, one usually thinks of a movie or someone
else - rarely do we consider infidelity occurring in our own
home. Until the day you suspect you are living with a
To start, the slow realization of a cheating spouse is a
tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses
comings and goings start to raise your suspicions. Perhaps
he/she has many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your
spouse just seems "absent" from your relationship - but
happy. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint
the moment when adultery became reality in their life.
While not all affairs are the same, the majority of cheating
spouses have some dirty little secrets in common. These
same secrets are the tool to your sanity as you can learn
these, look for them in your spouse, and then empower
yourself to take the action you choose to take.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at first. Yes, it is
true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with
the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull,
and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival.
If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around
you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of
Cheating spouses are the most stressed out human beings you
may ever meet. The stress of lying, keeping up two lives,
keeping all their stories straight, and trying to keep two
partners happy can be over-whelming. While a new affair is
not as stressful as one that has been on-going, the majority
of cheating spouses sub-consciously wish they would get
caught so someone would force them to end it.
Cheaters need modern technology to keep their affair alive
and well. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier
to maintain - they also make infidelity much easier to begin
in the first place. If you suspect adultery in your
relationship, start by going through all email and cell
phone accounts. Any questionable email addresses or cell
phone numbers should be traced right away.
Not all cheating spouses are degenerate scum-bags. Affairs
happen to good people. Yes, affairs can even happen to a
spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a
"degenerate" due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most
cheating spouses living a lie.
If adultery is actually confirmed in your relationship,
there are factors you must keep in at forethought. The next
days, actions and decisions are all about you, the betrayed
spouse. Do not spend your precious energy brooding over on
the other woman (or man), do not spend your energy thinking
about your unfaithful spouse. You have just experienced a
very traumatic experience event that is centered around
trust. The misconception is that healing from infidelity
involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this
might be on your list of future issues to deal with, this
should not be your immediate concern. Your first issue to
tackle will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Unfaithful spouses thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed
spouses allow into their minds. The desire to trust your
spouse is stronger than your desire to find out someone you
are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed,
the first victim of trust-issues to be healed is the
betrayed spouse - You. Take all the time you need for
yourself and heal yourself before you begin any other
adjustments in your life.
Visit YourCheatedHeart.com for
more infidelity resources and a confidential
cell phone number
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