Building Your Self Esteem
Self-esteem is not the same thing as self-confidence. Self-confidence
is the feeling that you can do just about anything. Self-esteem,
however, is the value that we put on ourselves. How good am I?
How talented am I? Am I a good person? A person with good self-esteem
is someone who likes if not loves themselves. Not a narcissistic
love, but an accepting love. They have a really good sense of "self" --
they can control their internal state. Their actions and behaviors
are driven by purpose. There is purpose in what they do and how
they feel and how they act. If you feel that you have low self-esteem,
don't despair. There are ways that you can improve your self-esteem.
As humans, we often learn by watching others. One of the keys to
developing good self-esteem, then, is to watch people who have
good self-esteem. People with good self-esteem take compliments
well, and accept them at face value. They build off of the
acknowledgments of others. They don't deflect compliments or
praise -- they accept it and allow it to confirm and establish
the self-beliefs that they already have. People with poor
self-esteem have trouble accepting compliments and praise --
they don't believe that they have earned them.
One way of helping to improve your self-esteem is to write down
the accomplishments that you've managed to achieve successfully.
Remember the compliments that you received in doing them. Say
them over and over again in your mind, or even aloud. Remember,
the people complimenting almost assuredly meant what they said.
You need to accept their praise for what you have done. Don't
dismiss them out of hand. By saying the compliments to yourself
repeatedly, you help to build the foundation upon which your
self-esteem will stand.
Often, people who have poor self-esteem are afraid of being
"found out". As if they feel that they aren't capable, and if
people look too closely, they'll discover this fact. Compliments
are dismissed out of hand as merely being polite lies. If
you think about it though, why would anyone complimenting you
lie? Another thing to think about is, if you manage to accomplish
your tasks successfully -- what are you afraid these people
will find out about you? Write these things -- these fears --
down, and analyze them. After some sober thinking, you'll
come to the realization that your fears are foolish. It
is these fears that are crippling your self-esteem, and
your ability to get ahead.
You are good enough. When you apply yourself, you
are capable. Accept the compliments of others and believe in
yourself.
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20081113